


For Now

by IndigoSprout



Category: Not Another D&D Podcast (Podcast)
Genre: Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-28
Updated: 2019-11-28
Packaged: 2021-02-26 00:01:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21594220
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IndigoSprout/pseuds/IndigoSprout
Summary: Hardwon is totally fine guys, and absolutely does not need to talk about it.
Comments: 4
Kudos: 38





	For Now

Hardwon keeps swinging, trying to focus on the mages in front of him instead of the fight behind him. Crack, one collapses after a hit to the back of the skull. A sickening thud as he swings around and hits another across the shoulder, making it stagger. _Damn it, why won’t these dudes die faster_ he thinks as he crushes its chest on a second hit. Yet they keep coming, hollow body after hollow body, falling to his hammer and Balnors sword silently and unceremoniously. They are easy to kill, not even fighting back as they are quickly cut down. _Not quickly enough_ , he thinks impatiently, he needs to get to Moonshine and Beverly now.

Even without looking, Hardwon knew the tide of the fight with Akorat had turned against them. The normal banter across the rapport spores had quieted, and was replaced with short and serious thoughts. _Down to three mages there… Damn, it got through… We need to distract him…_ He tries to tune it out, and avoid wincing in sympathy when he distantly feels Moonshine or Bev take a hit across the link. Only a few more, then he can get over there.

After what feels like hours, he takes out the final mage with a solid hit and pivots to evaluate the situation behind him. Moonshine is off to the side, alternating between striking at Akorat and taking out nearby mages. Beverly is closest to him, on the ground and clearly fighting to stand. Akorat looms in the center, eyes fixed only on Beverly as he strikes out with spikes of ice and dark magic on the downed paladin. As much as he is trying to hide it, Hardwon can tell Bev is hurt bad. Mind made up, he charges toward Beverly.

Fifty feet.

Forty feet.

Thirty feet.

Twenty feet.

A bolt of green light shoots from Akorats hand. It slams into Beverley, still prone and fighting paralysis, and throws him a few feet further. There is an instant of silence, and then Hardwons head was filled with a cacophony of noise. A wordless scream began, agonized and raw, making Hardwons blood run cold. Bev began to spasm and writhe on the ground, desperately trying to push himself up. The screaming is joined by other voices _._

_Bev, Bev, Beverly!_ Balnor cries, his panic palpable across the fungal network.

Moonshine is shouting frantic orders, voice shaking. _Hardwon, get over to him now! Keep Akorat from getting him again. Balnor, try and keep him busy! Alanis-_

Hardwon tries to block out the noise, throwing himself the last ten feet to Beverley’s side and getting between him and Akorat. He frantically pulls out the slightly tattered tome.

“Bev, hey bud, you got to look at this.” He frantically presses the tome up to Beverley’s face. “It’ll help, Moonshines on her way over, we got you, its gonna be okay.” He reaches out to steady Bevs shoulder, grasping and feeling it instantly crumble. He snatches his hand back in horror, coated in a fine gray ash. 

A huge chunk is missing out of the halflings shoulder, a fine black powder seeping from the would like blood. Hardwons touch had been the final catalyst, as Beverley’s body began to disintegrate. The struggling stopped, and Hardwon saw Beverly’s eyes go glassy and blank before they too dissolved away. All that was left was a pile of ashes.

Hardwons head was silent again. No, not just silent. There was a void, an emptiness that had contained something, _someone_. No teasing, no laughter, no presence of hope and optimism that warmed all of them when the world was cold and dark. It was gone… He was gone…

He stood up in a daze, his head filled with emotion and thought. Shock, realization, despair, rage. Was it his, or theirs? It hardly mattered, as he felt the rage continue to grow. He turned, eyes full of fire, to face Akorat.

“You son of a bitch” He growled, and charged at him with single minded fury. He was striking with wild abandon, pushing recklessly. Distantly, he felt the others throwing attacks with Akorat with a similar fury. Still, Akorat remained standing, his eyes focused on a new target. With a grunt, Hardwon heaved his hammer over his head and brought it down, missing Akorat by mere inches. Balnor charged forward, sword in hand, to attack. Akorat saw his moment of opportunity, and launched himself past Hardwon to seize Balnor.

Hardwon felt something like a snap in his head, as Akorat grabbed Balnors neck. Balnors presence in was gone in an instant, as abrupt and without ceremony as his arrival has been all those months ago. It wasn’t like the void Beverly left. It left Hardwon feeling off balance with no one to catch him. His steady presence, quiet confidence, silent support… gone.

He felt his rage, already a furious inferno, expand to fill this new absence in his head. It burned, his and Moonshines combined fury, but he didn’t care. This fire could consume him too, as long as it took Akorat first. He swung wildly, blow after blow, smashing into Akorat. He felt Moonshines lightning crackling past him, causing his hair to stand on end with each jolt. He hit, and hit, and hit. Distantly, he acknowledged that Akorat was down, but his fury pushed him on. Again, and again, and again…

His arms began to tire, his swings started to slow, and his fury began to burn down. He looked down at Akorat, now nothing more than a body with bloodied and mangled limbs. The coals of fury were still there, ready to flare to life again, but there was nothing left to consume. Nothing, except…

He turned to look at Moonshine, still behind him. Their eyes met briefly, but they conveyed no message as she walked past him. Past the remains of Akorat, to the Hellfire Crown abandoned on the ground. She reached down and scooped it up, turning back to him with a look of tired resignation. In an instant, he knew what she was about to do.

“Moonshine you don’t have to do this. We can still fix this, we can get them back, we can beat Akorat, we can -“

“’S no point Hardwon, we already lost.” she said dully. She held the Hellfire Crown in her hands.

_Please Moonshine._ He pleaded in his head. _We already lost our fam- our friends. I can’t lose you too… please don’t leave me behind._ But the words wouldn’t come, remaining lodged in his throat as he watched her unceremoniously drop the crown on her head.

He felt the last, frayed strand of the fungal network break. For the first time in as long as he cared to remember, he was utterly alone in his head. No more affection, given without a second thought. No more playful ideas … or wise advice. There was nothing except ashes… and it was what he deserved.

The skin on her head began to smoke and burn, leaving behind charred tracts of skin in its wake and firmly embedding the crown within her skull. He watched in horror as it spread down her face, twisting and warping her until she was almost unrecognizable. Her eyes remained locked on him, the one thing untouched by the flames.

_You failed._ Her eyes screamed. _You were supposed to protect them, you’re supposed to take the hits, you’re the one who’s supposed to die. Not them._

She gathered a ball of flame in her hand. With one last look of disgust, she threw it in his face. 

***************************************************************************************************************************************

He ignored the voices behind him, full of question and concern, as he fumbled out of the tent as quickly as his pride would allow him. He frantically rubbed at his eyes, trying to get the tears out of them and coughing as he forced himself to breath slowly. Eyes finally dry, he looked around. Their tent was tucked in a sparse patch of woods, well concealed by brambles and darkness. The only light was the glow of a thin purple line on the ground, encircling the tent. “A ward,” Alanis had explained as she set it up earlier in the day, “Should make it harder to track us, and I’ll feel if someone disrupts it.” It hadn’t made any of them feel safe enough, but beggars couldn’t be choosers and they had needed the rest.

_ See _ , He thought to himself.  _ Everything is fine. We all made it out, we’re back in Bahumia. What the hell am I freaking out over.  _ But the tightness in his chest wouldn’t release. He began to pace, careful to avoid touching the ward. He felt restless, twitchy.  _ Damn I could go for a hit of R. Kane right now, not enough to get wasted, but just enough…  _ Enough to make him forget today a little. Just enough to fudge the memories, make it harder to remember, make it a little easier to ignore and push down.  _ Why did it even matter anyways, none of that was real, and he was out here crying like a pathetic coward. _ He sighed and threw himself down in frustration. Didn’t matter anyways, not like he had any R. Kane left.  _ ‘Sides, we need to start hunting down the god husks tomorrow. We don’t have time for me to sit around being a whiny bastard. _

“Hey”  _ Shit. Bev. _ “Can I join?”

Hardwon shrugged, not trusting his voice to be steady enough to be convincing. He stared into the darkness, steadfastly refusing to look at Bev as he settled just to his right. They sat in the darkness a few moments, silent except for the faint whisper of wind. Hardwon felt Bev shift, pressing himself close and leaning into Hardwon. He remained stiff a moment longer, then let the tension out of his shoulders with a ragged sigh and put his arm over Bevs shoulder.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“About what?” He replied, trying to fill his voice with false confidence and bluster. “About how we beat the shit out of Akorat?”

This should have gotten a laugh, turned into ragging on Akorat, gotten him out of this awkward attempt at pity. Instead, Bev just sighed and said.

“I just want to see if you’re okay.”

“Of course I’m okay, I’m not the one who almost fucking d— I mean, we’re all fine. We beat that bastard, we got the fuck out of hell, I even got a badass new hammer out of the deal. All we’ve got to do now is -

“I’m not okay.”

Hardwon stopped short, glancing down at Bev. The Beverly sitting next to him wasn’t the one who goofed gods, fought devils, or faced down Thiala without a trace of doubt. He looked tired, lost, every bit the sixteen-year-old who should never have been forced into this. He stays silent as Beverly continues.

“I don’t think I’ve been okay in a long time. I just keep losing and losing. We lost Galaderon, I lost Erlin cause I hurt him doing something stupid, I lost dad” He swallows harshly. “We lost you, a few times. And I know you came back and everything was fine, but it doesn’t get any easier watching you, and Moonshine, and Balnor get hurt. I’m so afraid I’m just going to keep losing and I’m going to lose all of you too.” He pauses, sniffing deeply.

“Sorry, I guess I’m just saying you don’t have to be. Okay, I mean.”

“I –“ Hardwon hesitates. What the fuck does he say to that? He wishes Moonshine was here, shes the one who handles the emotional stuff. Still, he had to say something. “You guys don’t have to worry about me, I’ve always been able to take care of myself.”

“But you don’t have to! We don’t care about you cause we have to Hardwon, its cause we want to. Please, we love you. You have to know that, right?” Bevs question hangs in the air, the words tinged with fear and sadness.

“Uhhh… Something feels really wrong about a teenage boy confessing his love to me, alone, in the middle of the night. But you guys are alright, I guess” He says hesitantly, eliciting a somewhat snotty chuckle out of Beverly.

Like that, the tension is finally gone. They stay a few moment longer, looking out into the darkness. Eventually, Hardwon stands and pulls Beverly up. “Come on, we should get back to bed. Tomorrows already gonna suck without staying up all night.”

They return to the portable stump. Moonshine, Pawpaw, and Balnor still sprawled on either side of the bed, just where they left them. As Hardwon clambered back into bed after Beverly he noticed the telltale lack of muttering from Moonshine and snoring from Balnor. Mercifully, he settled back into bed and closed his eyes without comment. He felt the bed shift under him and heard the rustling of sheets as the others rearranged. Beverly settled himself pressed against Hardwons left side, using his shoulder as a pillow, while Balnor settled just beyond with his arm brushing against Hardwons. Moonshine rolled over, gluing herself to his right while Pawpaw scrambled onto his chest and curled himself tightly. He lies there listening as breaths become deep and even, and four hearts returned to a slow and steady beat. His head is silent, but he feels their presence. For now, that is enough.


End file.
